Saturday, June 13, 2009

some thoughts....

It is the title of my blog, but I am blessed. Camden has been a blessing in my life. Although this has been the most painful time in my life, he is still the hugest blessing. I sometimes look at him and cry tears of joy, and as much as I try not to let myself go down that road, I think of how close I was to never having these days with him. I think of how I would have never known him and what I would be missing- the way his eyes squint to nothing when he giggles and how he gets that serious look on his face waiting to see what I will do next to entertain him. God is good, God is faithful. Even more so, I think of how I wouldn't have been able to pull through without His grace. We sometimes can't understand why certain things happen, and I don't begin to try, but I do know that we will get through and we will give God all the glory for being able to.

It is early and I am waiting for my Sat. nurse to come at 8am. Night nurse never showed, and no one has heard form her in a week. Weird. Hope she is okay.

5 comments:

  1. It is amazing how God can use the most painful times to grow us in ways that would never have happened otherwise! I too, my precious daughter can not begin to understnad the 'whys' of Camden's arrival here on planet Earth! I just say he entered with such a clamor that if that is indicative of his life we better watch out! I believe it will be all to the glory of our Jesus! He already has an amazing testimony and has wrapped himself around so many hearts. I LOVE the squinchy eyed laugh he does . It reminds me of one when you were little with the hard giggles. ( Back in the day when you use to 'eat your giggles') You are an AMAZING Mommy & Camden is so blessed to have the entire Roell crew to 'entertain' him. He deserves all the entertainment in the world! Love you all xxxooo tell Micah I will see her in about 6 sleeps :~)

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  2. I am so glad for your blessed journey too! <3

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  3. Stay strong! Isn't Got amazing? I am so grateful for each day I have with my son as well. I hope you get more consistent nursing at night. Ours was awful. But I gradually got more comfortable with sleeping while Mikan did. I slept in the living room on the floor with him on a makeshift bed on the flood next to me. His monitors were right by my head and all I had to do was open my eyes to check his levels. It was the only set-up that I felt comfortable sleeping in. Then I could suction him easily and go right back to sleep throughout the night. I was able to wake up when I heard his breathing rate change (because you can hear it so well with the vent tubes!), and I would know if he woke up. Also, the alarms were right by my head, so I would wake up if anything happened. I did this for 7 months. Now I've graduated to sleeping in my own bed, but Mikan is still in a Pack n play next to me. It's just easier to suction him when he needs it. And I feel better about knowing what's going on when he's awake.

    Jenna

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  4. Ahhh, the dichotomy of this special life! Hard, trying, heartbreaking at times. Yet we don't take life for granted anymore. We see the joy in things others may consider small or insignificant. What a blessing these kiddos are and what a blessing to be able to learn such precious lessons from them!

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  5. Thank Dev. Love the reminder. I'm struggling at times but know God has a bigger plan than I can imagine. Love you!

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